Jolly long journey

Having returned to London from Barcelona today, I am delighted to say we have finally experienced all the joys of travelling on European discount airlines.

Our experience began last Friday with Ryanair, which leaves for France from Luton. Luton is a stinking long way from London, but other than that, it's a relatively accessible airport. The flight to Brest was relatively uneventful apart from the flight attendent spilling beer on the trousers of the passenger sleeping next to us. She looked horrified, but did nothing. When he woke I'm sure he thought Mark did it!

We took Easyjet from Paris to Barcelona, and thanks to our friend Sophie, this was a no brainer. For all those taking Easyjet from Paris to anywhere in Europe, Easyjet leaves from Paris Orly, which is a 20 minute ride on the shuttle bus if traffic is good. What few people know is that the shuttle bus is operated by Air France and leaves from Montparnasse train station. It's not on the side where the bus terminal is, but it's totally worth finding because it gets to the airport much faster than the train (which would have involved a few changes to boot). And it only costs €9.00 one way.

The only hitch for us was that Orly Sud - the south terminal - was blocked. So we had to leg it from the west terminal, which really wasn't a problem. What was a problem was the hords of people trying to check in. There are no orderly lines at these airports - just desperate people jockeying for position. Which is pointless, because the seats aren't numbered, so being the first to check in makes not one iota of difference to where you sit!

Easyjet comes into Barcelona airport, which is just perfect. You walk out the door and take a shuttle bus to Placa Catalunya for about €1.70. Cheap as chips. They leave every 10 minutes and drop you right opposite the taxi rank (on the right side of the street, my Aussie friends!).

When it came time to leave we were back with Ryanair and we'd already been warned that Ryanair left from Reus Aeroport, which is about 100km from Barcelona. Imagine putting an airport in Katoomba and calling that Sydney Airport. That's what this was like.

We were advised by some people to take a train, but Ana, our friendly host at the Cassanova Guest House told us we could get a specific shuttle bus from Estacio Sants - which happened to be just down the road from where we were staying.

So, taking a leaf out of Sophie's "How to travel like a Pro" book, we decided to head down to Estacio Sants yesterday and scope out the shuttle. Well, what a poop of an experience! First we couldn't work out the Metro and ended up taking a cab. Which worked out great because we discovered it only cost €5.00 to get to Estacio Sants.

Once inside the train station we set about trying to find this mystical Ryanir shuttle bus. We were pushed from pillar to post, dealing mostly in sign language because few people spoke English. In the end we were advised to take the train. We managed to get the timetable, and planned our day around that.

But on arriving at Estacio Sants this morning, we found we had plenty of time to spare and so we decided to give the shuttle bus another go - we knew it was cheaper and faster and didn't require a taxi ride at the other end. So I ask the guy at the Red Desk, which we were directed to yesterday, but which was closed. Today, the man tells us in clear English to go out the door and turn right. I was familiar with these instructions because several people gave them to me yesterday and they yielded no result. Today, we went out the door and turned right and this time, I decided to CROSS THE ROAD!!! What do you know? The blasted shuttle is sitting there waiting.

So we get on the shuttle and head to Reus, 100km away. The check in had been open for a half hour when we got there so we joined the thronging hordes who were crowding out the door. Again, the lines were all over the place and people were vying for position when there is no numbered seating! After one hour we were finally second in line. Yay!!! Then the electricity went out, the conveyor belt stopped, and the computers went down. I asked the girls what they were doing to fix it, and they said they'd called the engineer. Big deal! They said the plane wouldn't leave without us.

Marky and I were quite agitated so he went off in search of Coke. He came back with two big cups full of coke and ice so I fished our half empty bottle of Jack Daniels out of our suitcase. That's when things got a lot more enjoyable! After waiting another 45 minutes we were told to head to the old terminal to check in there. The was no electricty there either, but this worked to our advantage because they couldn't weigh our bags, determine they were over weight an charge us £27 for being naughty.

We rushed through security check and found all the other passengers still waiting in the departure lounge. We'd expected they'd be on the plane and thus had taken all the good seats. Not so! So we hustled through the crowd and once we got out the door, I bolted to get in front of as many people as I could. Thank you Jetstar for teaching us how to board a plane with no allocated seating! I was planning to go for the back door, but a bunch of pink fluffy cowboy hat bedecked hens party girls had the same idea. So I took the front door instead and saw that there were two empty seats in the front row. I asked the attendant were they taken and she said no. SO!!!! We sat in the front row!

Ha ha to everybody who paid £10 for priority boarding. They sat BEHIND us! If not for our seats, we would have written Ryanair off. As it turned out, the flight attendants told us the plane had been delayed by weather! Not by the debacle at check in. England had a storm this afternoon with 40mph winds.

The moral to this story is: if you use discount airlines in Europe make sure you know where the stinking airports are. And if you're okay about them leaving from the desert, make sure you're happy to take the long and winding road to get there!